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My LJ is friends-only apart from this public post, which is to tell you more about who I am and to invite you to fill in the poll below if you wish me to add you to my friends list. Generally, I only add people I've met and get on with or who are friends even if in some loose sense of the word, but will sometimes add people with whom I share interests.

43, hair colour varies please see userpic for most recent version*, bi etc.
I'm a writer of erotic fiction, some published in magazines under nickname 'Piglet' and some on website: Vacant, which also has other women's pervy writing.

*currently brown

I'm an SM-er, but far too fluffy in person for you to notice unless I told you.
I have a history of being poly but am currently being monogamous and am happy with how that's going.

You may have found me through a disability community. I have circulatory disease (probably raynaud's) and asthma, the former being the bane of my life and the latter being a bit annoying. Formerly agoraphobic, my map of places I've been is now quite large and includes a bit of the US.

Name: Trish Oak (like the tree)

Birthday: 4th November

Place of Birth: Here - the house got knocked down to build a ring road. I was born probably where the tallest tree behind the sign you can see just the back of is.

Marital Status: Recently married to theta_g

Occupation: Specialist Stop Smoking Advisor

Star sign: I don't believe in it

Hair : As near to my natural colour as I can get after years of dyeing it unnatural colours

Eyes : Grey with some interesting variation if you can be bothered to look close enough

Height : 159cm
Weight : Currently 75kg and doing Weight Watchers in attempt to reach 70kg. I started off at 80 so am halfway there.

Q: Do you have a nickname?
A: Piglet - no longer used by anyone I see regularly

Q: How long have you kept a weblog?
A: Since June 28th 2001

Q: Where do you live?
A: W12

Q: But were you born there? If not, then where?
A: Already answered that

Q: Tell us about your family
A: Blood relatives? Both parents still alive and very much loved. I have one very precious and wonderful sister, 2 nephews and a niece who is awesome.

Q: Describe your looks?
A: I don't have conventional good looks and have had a struggle with accepting my face. That said, I have done.

Q: Tell us about your partner (or ideal partner if you haven't got one)?
A: He's a very quirky and geeky American guy. Most people who meet him take to him instantly. He makes me laugh, helps me be strong and is my best friend. I hope we're together for a long time.

Q: For a day out would you prefer, a theme park, a football game or spend the day in a bar?
A: Oh dear Lord, none of the above. The theme park would probably be the least annoying.

Q: What do you do for a job?
A: I think I already answered this one too. Whoever wrote this questionnaire may have some short term memory problems.

Q: Who would you sound like if I called you on the phone?
A: I sound 12 on the phone. I know because it's my own voice on the answer message at work and I hear it whenever I call in and all the phones are busy or nobody's there.

Q: Religion - do you do it? If so what?
A: I don't do religion because I don't believe in God or any equivalent. I am as spiritual as a packet of jaffa cakes and incapable of belief in deities.

Q: Politics - right, left or centre?
A: Reasonably far left

Q: Do you like it hot or cold?
A: Hot

Q: What book are you reading at the moment?
A: I'm currently reading 2 books - one is 'The Voyage of the Beagle' (Charles Darwin) and the other is "All Lies and Jest" by booklectic, which I urge you all to buy a copy of

Q: What was the last song on your Ipod?
A: I have music and pictures in my head and thus no need of feeding them in while I'm walking along

Q: Describe your music collection?
A: Mainly 70's prog rock - I blame my sister

Q: SPORT - Yes or no?
A: I'm massively uncoordinated and a bit short sighted so not good at sports. Love exercising though. Do I watch it? No, not really

Q: Do you have a website/homepage?
A: I have a site hosted by a friend which has written erotica on it

Q: Do you have a celebrity crush?
A: No.

Q: Do you have a celebrity hate?
A: It's weird - kind of not really. We don't get to see these people for their real selves; their lives are sold to us like a product and much of it is just made up.

Q: Beer or wine?
A: Neither, I'm teetotal

Q: Home or abroad?
A: Both are cool

Q: Toothbrush - are you electric or manual?
A: Manual

Q: Type of the property you live in?
A: One-bedroom flat, decorated in primary colours

Q: What were your best subjects at school?
A: French, English, Maths - is what I did A levels in

Q: Spender or saver?
A: A mixture

Q: What newspaper do you buy?
A: I have been known to buy the Observer on a Sunday but more likely just to look online for news

Q: One of life's regrets is?
A: That I used to smoke. Is pretty much my only real regret.

Q: Coronation St or Eastenders?
A: Neither!

Q: Do you like questionnaires?
A: Yes, I think they give one a fleeting sense of importance ;)

Q: Where do you buy your clothes?
A: Charity shops and Primani

Q: Cat, dog or goldfish?
A: Dog

Q: Rare, medium or well done?
A: I believe the question refers to steak, which isn't something I eat

Q: Do you drive?
A: I passed the test but only drove a few times since then and have long since lost my licence (as in mislaid). I think it's living in London

Q: Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
A: Not for very many years

Q: Is there an afterlife?
A: No

Q: Tell me something that scares you?
A: What this current UK government is doing to the NHS

Q: How would you describe your personality?
A: I'll leave that for others to do. I have some good points and some bad, like everyone.

Q: Tell us about some jobs you've had that you've loved?
A: My first thing I did for money was babysitting in a women's refuge, which rocked. I also liked the 8 or 9 years I was teaching. Kids are knackering though.

Q: Name some places you've lived?
A: Warmley, London, Essex - not so exotic really

Q: What kind of things do you enjoy on TV?
A: I prefer it turned off, to be honest. We have watched some 'Dirk Gently' recently and that was good.

Poll #259337 Public post poll

How come you know who I am?

Because I am you. Check mirror if in doubt.
I shagged you just the other week. At least I'm fairly sure it was you.
We have spoken many times.
I've seen you from a distance.
You're a friend of a friend, LJ-wise.
I don't. I found you at random.
We're blood related.
I work with you. Bet you're scared now.
Because you're so famous.
I'm only answering this because I like filling in polls.

Have you added me to your friends list?

Yes, some time ago; keep up!
Yes, recently.
I am considering adding you.
I'm only answering this because I like filling in polls.

Would you like me to add you to my friends list?

Yes, please
No, thanks
I''m only answering this because I like filling in polls

Why should I have you on my friends list?

My journal speaks for itself. Go look - for it shows how fabulous I am.
We have so very much in common.
I want to look popular.
We're friends in real life and it would be useful to be able to keep in touch here too.
I'm curious to read what you have to say.
Because I say so.
I'm only answering this because I like filling in polls.

Also some...

How I use LJ
I was going to use the word 'policy' here but that sounds a bit too official and work-like; and I use LJ for fun. I use LJ to see what my friends are up to and to chat to them online at times when I wouldn't normally get to speak to them. I use LJ to talk to people who don't live in the same town or even the same country as me. I don't update every day but I update most days. I talk about my life, mostly, and about some other things.

Friends and filter groups
I have a lot of filter groups. Mostly these are so my friends can choose to opt in or out of reading me talk about certain subjects. I do SM (bdsm), for example, and so there's a filtered group for talking about that. Some of my filter groups are comprised of only one person - I find this useful as it can be quicker than email if I suspect that person is reading LJ.

I rarely defriend anyone. If one of my friends upsets me on LJ or in real life, then I'll try to sort it out away from LJ. If I don't want to read what they're writing for a while, then I'll either not look at my friends list or I'll take them off my Default view for a bit, until things are sorted out and I feel better. I think this has only ever happened once or twice and I can't even remember who the people concerned were. Needless to say, if someone's decided they want nothing to do with me in real life, I don't see the point of keeping them added as a friend on here.

In the past, if someone defriended me then I used to email them and ask if everything was ok between us. Then I asked them if they still wanted to be able to read my posts, or if they weren't bothered. Although I currently have at least one person on my friends list and me not on theirs because they want to keep the option open of re-friending me on LJ at a later time (and I've ascertained that I haven't pissed them off, which is good), now I just defriend someone right back when they take me off their friends list. Life's too busy and short to chase round after people.

Do I read everything my friends write on LJ?
No. I can't guarantee that I will always see what people have written. I usually look at my friends list each time I come onto LJ but not always. If I'm busy, then I skim read my friends page for anything that looks interesting/fun/like I should be reading it. When I have more time I will occasionally read the last day or so of what everyone has written.

Sometimes I also look at other people's friends pages and at their user pictures and at communities they belong to. I go into their memorable posts and have a look at them. This is when I have time and when I'm a bit bored.

Do I always comment?
If I don't make a comment to a post, that doesn't mean I haven't read what has been written. I tend to comment only where I have something to say.

Do I write down everything that happens to me?
Very definitely not. I can leave LJ alone for days at a time and come back without feeling any desire to update on all I've been doing. I choose what to put on my journal and what not to. If I go out somewhere then I might mention it or I might not. If I have a date with someone then ditto. That said, I will write things that some people might consider tedious and irrelevant from time to time. I am updating this post on Shrove Tuesday 2005, for example, and I just posted what fillings I put in my pancakes (editorial note: that was nearly 7 years ago now!!)

Cut tags
I try to use cut tags especially during the week; aware that many people are looking at LJ from work in snatched bits of time and don't want long posts taking up their friends pages. If it's the weekend I won't worry so much. Any explicit pictures also go under a cut tag, and anything that I'm not sure whether people will want to read, I'll warn them before the cut tag.

Arguing on LJ
Where people are having a disagreement on LJ, I try not to join in. I'll try to be supportive where my friends need support but I'll also aim not to have a go at anyone. I'm not saying that, where there's conflict, I don't have opinions - just that I don't wish to throw in my instant opinion into such a public sphere; I don't see how it is helpful to those arguing and I don't like LJ used as a place for arguing of the kind that gets bitchy and personal. Often I don't have an instant opinion to throw in. I need time to think things through and hear different people's voices and even then there are instances where I can't 'take a side'. Sorry to sound like such a hippy.

If I have a problem with someone else and I want to talk about that problem, I may use a filter group of a very small number of my LJ friends to talk about it and help me towards a solution. This does not happen very often. Where things are very difficult/sensitive, I'll use a filter group of people I mostly know only through LJ to talk the problem through, and I may change names of people concerned.

That's it for the moment. I may update this as and when and if I think of anything else.
Disclaimer: - This is about how I use LJ, not necessarily how I think YOU should use LJ.

P.S. Attention would-be anonymous posters! I've had to disable anonymous posting because I was getting spammed.


( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 31st, 2004 12:33 am (UTC)
Hmm ...
I don't deserve to know anything about your life, but I feel like there's a hole in my LJ reading without you right now.

However, you would probably be fully entertained without adding me to the clutter in your friends list, so not adding me is OK.
Apr. 5th, 2004 08:35 am (UTC)
I've added you
I've added you because of how sweet what you said here was

xxx : ) <- - not intended to look like a Marge Simpson smiley, but it kindof does
Apr. 4th, 2004 07:59 pm (UTC)
Before adding me, better have a chat with ravenevermore - and then ignore him and add me anyway :-)
Apr. 5th, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
I've added you
I've added you for the extremely shallow reason that you look incredibly cute.


May. 9th, 2004 11:05 am (UTC)
Well, you certainly seemed witty and charming enough at the party!
May. 9th, 2004 11:24 am (UTC)
I added yourself and redcountess
Aug. 2nd, 2004 09:09 pm (UTC)
Hi Trish
Douglas here (he of the immense beard),

we've met various times at SM Bis, Sandra&Simon&Sophia's, etc.

I've recently found this whole LJ thing and am busy adding everyone I know in RL who I suddenly find has been keeping a journal here for years!

No need to add me if you don't want - just letting you know as a courtesy who this strange pallandozi bloke is who has added you as a friend.
Aug. 7th, 2004 08:52 am (UTC)
Re: Hi Trish
Hi D

Tell you what. I'll add you when you start writing things in your journal. ; )
I keep looking and it keeps being blank. Would be keen to hear how you are.

Aug. 28th, 2006 05:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Hi Trish
Doing well. Still in Cambridge with Louise (who sends you hugs).

My journal is likely to remain blank, though, as it is just there for reading purposes.
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:28 am (UTC)
Re: Hi Trish
Yay, we now have a 'plus one'

Add me, and I'll email you an update. :-)
Aug. 12th, 2004 09:38 am (UTC)
Hi trishpiglet, what I have to say is more or less what pallandozi said - I've just started using LJ and I'm gradually discovering who is here already that I know. It's nice to find you here.

I'm also gradually discovering how to use the software, and just now I'm clumsy with it. I'll go now and put you on my Friends list, but as I understand it, that won't mean I hear anything from you unless you also put me on your Friends. Er... at least I think that's how it works. Anyway you should now be able to start reading my journal, if you want to.
Aug. 12th, 2004 02:08 pm (UTC)
Added you back and look forward to reading what you write

: )
Sep. 11th, 2004 05:48 pm (UTC)
Hi. Hope you don't mind, but I saw you after you posted your poly questionairre and I thought it was interesting. Would be interested in seeing more of what you write.
Sep. 14th, 2004 10:40 am (UTC)
I was also interested in the poly questionnaire; and we have met at least briefly in pub (on spikeylady's birthday & I think another time or two as well?) & have assorted friends in common... But of course will not be offended or whatever if you don't add me, etcetc. Though I think I will nab the poly questionnaire off someone else's LJ & fill it in anyway, because it's interesting! (& it struck me as possibly a useful way to check on my thoughts on the subject)
Feb. 9th, 2005 01:44 pm (UTC)
Where is the poly questionnaire? I did look at a few back posts but didn't come accross it. That sounds interesting.
Oh, I can't do cut tags so just put everything up front. Maybe I should learn, or is it a paid account thing?
Mar. 13th, 2010 11:19 am (UTC)
Sorry for amazingly long time taken to reply (all of 5 years but you're still around to see this so that's good)

I found the poly questionnaire!
May. 15th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC)
I just came her to say whilst I do a lot of what you described yourself as doing at bifest this afternoon. I have seen you first thing in the morning and you still look as cute as the first day i met you, so many many years ago.
look after yourself my dear and it was nice to be able to chat again, I would love to chat more in the future, I always found your perspective on the world enlightening
go well
Jun. 3rd, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Hi Trish,

I've just joined LJ after many years living as a kind of hermit. See you're still being busy. I would like to add you to my friends list please.

Ginny x
Jun. 26th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
*waves hello*

Was nice to meet you, and to witness your "The Princess Bride" initiation
Oct. 23rd, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
well...my sister is 36. You would know her as Rebecca Poole i think...
Nov. 11th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
I just wondered if my sister has contacted you yet? She's not very computer friendly! :P haha, so I don't know if she has been able to email you yet. I do know she has told Wendy! You must remember her if you know Becky! :D

Portia x
Nov. 12th, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Hey...
Not yet : )

I'd love to catch up with both of them next time I visit my folks.
Glad Wendy and Becky still in touch with each other. I was the one who moved away to London and was subsequently rubbish at staying in touch. I heard they both have children now and am imagining mini Beckys and mini Wendys. : )

Hoping all well with you.
Mar. 8th, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)
Hi! I have filled out your poll. How unique lol! I haven't added you. I thought I would wait for your response. I hope to get to know ya.
Mar. 8th, 2006 11:30 pm (UTC)
: )

Mar. 10th, 2006 06:29 am (UTC)
Hey, just stumbled across the site, thought I'd say hi...
May. 7th, 2006 03:55 pm (UTC)
Well, I found your site because I notied your icon and tattoos and ... yum. ;).

But what really caught my eye was the combo of kink, poly, and disability. I'm a poly-kinky-gimp, and always interested to chat with like minded folks.

Add me to whatever filters you please, I'm always happy to read.
Jul. 17th, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC)
Hi Trish! Jenna here - I changed my LJ name a while back and foolishly reset the entire friends list in the process. I'm finally getting round to sorting it out post BiCon, so have readded you. Hope this is OK?
Jul. 18th, 2006 12:25 pm (UTC)
may I? may I?
Jul. 18th, 2006 01:14 pm (UTC)
You may indeed. I already friended you before I saw this.
: )
Mar. 19th, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC)
I hope you don't mind that I've added you; we met on Saturday night (I was the one who arrived with reddragdiva and proceeded to SQUEE audibly about the Pink!Drink) and I thought you were lovely. I'd love to be added back, but of course there's no pressure if you'd rather not.
Mar. 19th, 2007 05:39 pm (UTC)
Nov. 20th, 2007 05:57 am (UTC)
Perhaps, you would add me too? perhaps not.... just a fellow traveller on this journey through life... one which is not to be walked alone!

May. 9th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
Hi there! We met briefly at Doggetts at the film festival thing and completely failed to meet at Bifest- oops.
Just filled in your poll- we have janieluk in common.
How are you?
May. 10th, 2008 10:08 am (UTC)
Not awake yet : )
Hello lovely
Added you back x
Jul. 13th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
*waves* Heya :o)

We've met or at least been in the same place a few times, so I thought I'd add you :oD
Oct. 28th, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
Hi, I am from South Africa and I love having lady friends from the UK. I was browsing the word slut and BDSM and found you... (hope you don't mind) Your nic caught my attention before something else stood at attention. I think we have a lot in common so I added you, please add me. I would love to read about a blonde with red hair or is it the other way around? top or bottom??
Nov. 16th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
Hello! Hope you don't mind but I added you and am curious about your LJ for the following reasons:

- sex positive women are a rare and fantastic breed
- sex positive British women are an even rarer and fantastic breed
- literary sex positive British women - well, I haven't found many. (My first job was reviewing erotic books for a living)
- just exploring the world of SM with my gf

theta_g knows me, if you need some kind of reference...

Oh, and there is more to me than just perverts. This is my mainstream LJ account :)
Nov. 16th, 2008 11:49 pm (UTC)
You might be disappointed - just lately I'm writing more about job-hunting and very little about kink

Also you haven't actually added me yet :)

Let's call this a trial run - if you want to stay friended after seeing the frequency of actual writing about kink in my journal then friend me back
Nov. 17th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
Oh there's more to life than kink, you know. ;)

As long as you don't write exclusively about little fluffy cats, I think we'll be fine :D

Thanks :D
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 7th, 2009 08:26 am (UTC)
I'm relatively sure we haven't met, but I enjoyed the unique introduction & poll, and now I'm intrigued about the rest of your journal - if it's as well written as your introduction, I must make for one interesting read.
Jun. 9th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
Add request.
First off, love your user pics. You are eye candy! I found you under 'threesomes' a interest catagory of mine. Yeah, I was trolling. See why people troll? It works :)

I would like to be added to your BDSM filter please. Now, bare in mind my LJ is all smut. Someone of your erudite well worded nature may find it a bit crash. I could be wrong though. I hope I am.

Jul. 17th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)
Whee! I somehow failed to add you sooner - you're on my friends list now. Welcome! :)

Aug. 24th, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
Hello from the girl who wore teddy bear ears this past weekend that has persuaded me to return to the world of LJ. It'd be good to see you again. x
Aug. 24th, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Confession time - I have been looking around other people's friend lists trying to work out which LJ person might be you

Added :)
Dec. 12th, 2010 02:12 pm (UTC)
Hi - I think we met last night :)
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )